You Weren’t The First

You weren’t the first. Perhaps if you were, it wouldn’t have cut me so deep. I wouldn’t have become so numb. I may have even found forgiveness.

So unexpectedly, you cut me out of your life, as though I was a jagged edge on a piece of paper. Something so easily discarded without a second thought.

For a while, I wondered, perhaps I did something wrong? I tried to make amends, but I meant so little to you that I wasn’t even worthy of a response. It dawned on me that I held no value in your eyes.

So when you walked back into my life, did you really expect me to have left that space inside my heart all warm, cosy, and welcoming?

I have grieved, I have found acceptance, and to save myself, I have lost my respect for you.

You weren’t the first.

You won’t be the last.

Lipstick Grin

When your eyes meet mine, I wonder what you see. What is it you’re looking at? Do you see my prominent flaws? If not, what do you think?

My eyes gaze around the room, wondering whether anyone is looking at me. I am not conceited… Am I?

All I can see in my reflection is every imperfection, even through the layers of foundation. I smear some new crimson lipstick across my lips, and pout. I love the colour. For a split second. Meanwhile, my lips retreat back into a thin smile… which then fades.

Even when I can’t think of a reason to feel pretty, I anxiously hope that you can see beauty in me. I seek validation, but what does that say about me?